New Name!

Today God appointed me with a new name... Aliza which means JOYFUL in Hebrew.

No matter the circumstance, no matter the time, no matter the season, I will have JOY in my life. I will laugh and KNOW that HE IS GOD. He is Good, and he LOVES me.

HE LOVES ME.

"The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow." Isaiah 62:2

Big Girls Don't Cry...

This may just sound like a cool title for a song and a pretty melody... But in reality this is what I taught as I grew up "Big Girls Don't Cry". Even though I watched my mom cry growing up, to me it always symbolized weakness. I grew up thinking, "if I cry, people are going to take advantage of me, they are going to think I'm weak." Therefore, for many years I grew up hiding my tears from the world... Crying alone in my own pain. My exterior was a "tough rocker girl" who could care less about the world! But when I was alone I would cry myself to sleep, not knowing if there would ever be someone who could wipe away my tears.

As I grew up I started believing, with movies, books, song & magazines, that the only person who could wipe away my tears would be my boyfriend. It was only that person who loved me that would understand and wipe away my tears with a kiss... and it all sounds so romantic and beautiful. But relationship after relationship I realized that guys did not and could NOT understand why I cried!

This only made me feel more and more self conscious of my tears and not only that but it made me feel extremely vulnerable towards anyone I loved. I did not have many girl friends

or women around at this point, I was determined to find someone who could wipe my tears away.

As I started making girl friends here in college, I only then started realizing that they all cried! They were all like ME! That all we ever wanted was for someone to come along side us and tell us it was all going to be o.k. More than anything I learned that God wasn't disappointed in me when I cried, and all He wanted to do was to hold me close and tell me everything was going to be o.k. :) All he wanted to do was to take my tears and turned them into joy. He didn't want me to cry alone but He wanted to love me and turn my tears into joy. All He wants is to see me smile to wipe away my tears and reassure me that He has amazing plans for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Now, every time I cry i know that not only I am NOT alone, that I have someone to wipe away my tears, that He has amazing plans for my life... But that I have a hope that at the end of this tunnel... I will always be able to smile.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy..." Psalm 30:11

Is it Love?

For some reason I started going through the "Trash" in my computer and I found some pictures of me and my ex-boyfriend... And I started remembering... Almost two years ago I was going through a break up. He was the first guy I ever fell in love with; at that time I really thought it was going to last forever. We were just so "perfect" for each other. Everyone who saw us thought we were the cutest couple, my parents loved him, his parents loved me, we both had the same ethnicity, we were both involved at church, etc... it was just picture perfect. But really it was a messy relationship, we were both so young and immature. I was selfish, spoiled and not ready to start anything serious...

As I was walking home tonight I remembered that almost two years ago our relationship was falling to the ground and I thought my life was ending, I could not imagine my life with anyone else, "there surely could not be a more amazing guy than him". I loved him. But now as I stand here in my situation now... I have to remind myself that time heals. Now he is ever barely in my mind and we both have moved on with our lives. I am in Australia while he is still finishing high school and our lives could not be more different. I think that if I was still with him I probably wouldn't be here in Sydney right now; and not that is bad thing, but those weren't the plans God had for my life. I was supposed to be here, now, for this time.

I do not regret any decisions that I have made in the past, I can't, they've made me who I am today. But something I do have to wonder is if after all the hurt of past relationships, can I hope for something or someone who will truly love me " 'till death do us part"? After messy and hurtful relationships can I truly believe in true love? Can I love someone that much...?

As I look at these beautiful pictures I can't help but wonder... "Are they even still together?"...