New Name!

Today God appointed me with a new name... Aliza which means JOYFUL in Hebrew.

No matter the circumstance, no matter the time, no matter the season, I will have JOY in my life. I will laugh and KNOW that HE IS GOD. He is Good, and he LOVES me.

HE LOVES ME.

"The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow." Isaiah 62:2

Big Girls Don't Cry...

This may just sound like a cool title for a song and a pretty melody... But in reality this is what I taught as I grew up "Big Girls Don't Cry". Even though I watched my mom cry growing up, to me it always symbolized weakness. I grew up thinking, "if I cry, people are going to take advantage of me, they are going to think I'm weak." Therefore, for many years I grew up hiding my tears from the world... Crying alone in my own pain. My exterior was a "tough rocker girl" who could care less about the world! But when I was alone I would cry myself to sleep, not knowing if there would ever be someone who could wipe away my tears.

As I grew up I started believing, with movies, books, song & magazines, that the only person who could wipe away my tears would be my boyfriend. It was only that person who loved me that would understand and wipe away my tears with a kiss... and it all sounds so romantic and beautiful. But relationship after relationship I realized that guys did not and could NOT understand why I cried!

This only made me feel more and more self conscious of my tears and not only that but it made me feel extremely vulnerable towards anyone I loved. I did not have many girl friends

or women around at this point, I was determined to find someone who could wipe my tears away.

As I started making girl friends here in college, I only then started realizing that they all cried! They were all like ME! That all we ever wanted was for someone to come along side us and tell us it was all going to be o.k. More than anything I learned that God wasn't disappointed in me when I cried, and all He wanted to do was to hold me close and tell me everything was going to be o.k. :) All he wanted to do was to take my tears and turned them into joy. He didn't want me to cry alone but He wanted to love me and turn my tears into joy. All He wants is to see me smile to wipe away my tears and reassure me that He has amazing plans for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Now, every time I cry i know that not only I am NOT alone, that I have someone to wipe away my tears, that He has amazing plans for my life... But that I have a hope that at the end of this tunnel... I will always be able to smile.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy..." Psalm 30:11

Is it Love?

For some reason I started going through the "Trash" in my computer and I found some pictures of me and my ex-boyfriend... And I started remembering... Almost two years ago I was going through a break up. He was the first guy I ever fell in love with; at that time I really thought it was going to last forever. We were just so "perfect" for each other. Everyone who saw us thought we were the cutest couple, my parents loved him, his parents loved me, we both had the same ethnicity, we were both involved at church, etc... it was just picture perfect. But really it was a messy relationship, we were both so young and immature. I was selfish, spoiled and not ready to start anything serious...

As I was walking home tonight I remembered that almost two years ago our relationship was falling to the ground and I thought my life was ending, I could not imagine my life with anyone else, "there surely could not be a more amazing guy than him". I loved him. But now as I stand here in my situation now... I have to remind myself that time heals. Now he is ever barely in my mind and we both have moved on with our lives. I am in Australia while he is still finishing high school and our lives could not be more different. I think that if I was still with him I probably wouldn't be here in Sydney right now; and not that is bad thing, but those weren't the plans God had for my life. I was supposed to be here, now, for this time.

I do not regret any decisions that I have made in the past, I can't, they've made me who I am today. But something I do have to wonder is if after all the hurt of past relationships, can I hope for something or someone who will truly love me " 'till death do us part"? After messy and hurtful relationships can I truly believe in true love? Can I love someone that much...?

As I look at these beautiful pictures I can't help but wonder... "Are they even still together?"...

Wonder Woman

We, as girls, grow up with role models like: Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Hanna Montana (Or in my case Lizzie McGuire). Then in our teenage years we look up to Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, or whatever celebrity is out there. As our education progresses we start looking at women like Oprah, Rosa Parks, Abigail Adams, Mother Theresa, Hilary Clinton and many other women that changed the course of life for millions of women around the world. And it truly just makes me wonder... Can we do it all? Can we all be Wonder Woman? And if we can, what doest it mean to be Wonder Woman?

All these questions started racing through my head as I watched "Mona Lisa Smile" during connect group today. Simply summarized the movie is about a free-thinking art professor who teaches conservative 50's Wellesley University girls to question their traditional societal roles. As I watched this movie I carefully started thinking about my life. When I was a young girl my biggest dream was to someday be rescued by Prince Charming and live happily ever after, then I was taught that the most important thing was to be sexual and attractive to the boys around my life. And after, I was taught to be independent, to have my own mind and ideals, not to conform to this world around me but to change the world on my own! How confusing; now I feel like a girl who wants to be beautiful enough to be rescued by my Prince Charming, sexy enough to attract him, but independent enough to not need a man in my life.

This whole train of thought makes me think, do I even want to get married or is this something I have been brain-washed and sold by ideals of Disney Princesses? Do I want to be sexy or is this something I have been brain-washed by magazines and music videos? Do I want to be independent and have my own career or is this something I have been brain washed by a feminist movement? Or can I be all three, or even none? Can I be a wife, a mom, a sexy girl, a business woman all at the same time? 

God is LOVE!

... Six years ago I gave my life to Christ... It was six years ago that I heard the message of His LOVE for me and I accepted it in my heart, looking for something more I guess... Looking for something bigger than the life I had. But it wasn't until a month ago that I understood; that I comprehended HIS sacrifice for ME! His... LOVE

Yes, a Love that NEVER failed me. A Love that was and is always there. God SO LOVED ME! that he gave, to me, his most precious and beautiful possession for me. He saw him suffer, He saw him beaten, cursed at... and thought of me, and didn't give up. So that he could talk to me... so imperfect, so impure, so insecure, so lost, so scared. It's not about anything I've done, or anything I've said, or intended to do. But what HE did FOR ME.

Maybe, you've heard this message and words 1,000's of times... But think about THE LOVE SACRIFICE. That no matter who you are, or what you've done, all he wants to do is to have a relationship with you... He wants you to get to know Him, so he can walk with you. So he can love you. For such a long time I wondered WHY did God create me!?! Why do I have to go through this earth? Why do I have to walk on these problems, on all of this crap???

But now I can see what a privilege it is to be created by Him, to be LOVED by Him. So now, I can take the eyes OFF myself and LOVE others, and give HOPE to the hopeless, to see the unseen, to hear the unheard, to speak to the unspoken... To Love the unloved.

"For God so LOVED the world (YOU AND ME) that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Oops!

Have you ever had an Oops! moment? Well so earlier this year when my housemates were all getting to know each other we realized there were two Morgan's in our house, so to differentiate each of them they asked Morgan, do you have a middle name? Oh yeah it's Jane* but don't call me by that it's such a lame name!... Later to find out one of the girl's mom's name was Jane*, and she was right there in the room when she was saying that! Oops! LoL

Oh, sometimes we should be so careful on what we say before we open our big mouths to speak. Well something of that sort happened to me today. I finally got an opportunity to help out with th

e Monitor's sound board for service today. (To explain what this is, Hillsong Church uses In-Ears for each of the musicians, which are basically a pair of headsets that allow the musicians to hear themselves and the whole band in a personal way. So there's a person who runs this sound board and allows each of the musicians to hear whatever they need to hear, it's a very fun job!) I really love working with sound, and I was very excited, I seriously couldn't stop talking about it. (That's what girls do, we get really excited about things and we talk about them)

So during my conversation I said, "The thing I love most about it it's that you can hear everyone's mess up's..." ... Mh... I wish I could tell you I'm perfect, but that really came out of my mouth. But... God is so funny and he finds the greatest ways to shut us up. As soon as the service started, I wanted to

swallow down my words... I could hear everything, every single detail and instrument, but more than anything I could hear everyone's HEART. And that broke me down... It was so absolutely beautiful. I could hear in their voices and instruments their beautiful hearts and passion for what they were doing, worshipping God with all they had... ah... Oops! It was so beautiful.

"... Tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." James 3:8

Uncovering Your Princess Identity

"I'm not worthy enough to be with him", "I always end up with the jerk", "It's o.k, we all have to fall for the bad guy, at least once in our lives" "... I'm just not attracted to the good ones" These are phrases that I've heard my whole life by girls in my life, and even have thought about myslef, but this post is about: DELETING THESE PHRASES IN YOUR LIFE!

For many years I have sat in church listening to "We need to find our identity in Christ" but I didn't know what this really meant or how this could apply to my life, until a few days ago. As I was thinking about my past relationships and the mistakes I have made in my life I thought, "Maybe I'm not worthy enough to find a guy who will love me for who I am"... But then a thought came into my head, "Well, who am I?" I am a daughter of the most high King, Eph 1:5, Jhn 1:12. Therefore, that makes me a Princess! A princess is beautiful, pure, lovely, elegant, wanted, gentle, joyful, captivating, sought after... WANTED.

When a Princess was ready to get married, Princes from all over the world would come to prove they were worthy enough to marry her. They had to go through challenges and obstacles to win her heart. Therefore, if we can capture and understand who we really are in God, if we truly realize that we are princesses in God's eyes then we should deserve THE BEST. We would not conform ourselves with a guy who would treat us bad, who would take advantage of us, who would not respect us, who will not see and HONOR the royalty we have in our lives.

Girls, find yourselves in the arms of the KING, and then you will know your worth! We were called to be princesses, we were called to be beautiful! Embrace it. How much more could we do if we simply understand the WORTH, God himself has given each and everyone of us!

"The king is ENTHRALLED by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11