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-Juli

Take Your Eyes OFF the Stool

** In a circus a lion tamer holds out a stool to tame a lion... Have you ever wonder what the stool is for? Yes, I'm sure that the lion is scared of a little stool and therefore doesn't attack it... NO! If I was a lion I would rip that thing out of that guy and eat him. :D But actually for some reason the stool is used because when the lion focuses on the legs of the stool it confuses him and doesn't allow the to see past the "engaging" legs of the stool. In that moment the lion forgets its strength, its power, its amazing teeth to destroy that which is in front of him...

How many times in our lives have we ever focused on "the legs of the stool" in our circumstances without realizing the amazing power and strength God has given us in our lives. In that moment when everything seems to be falling apart we cannot get past our circumstances and situations to focus on something so much bigger than what is put in front of us. We think is the end of our lives and that we will never be out of that situation... We put limitations and barriers to our lives because we set our minds on that stool.

What if Dwyane Wade decided to give up after he lost his first basketball game? What if Hayley Williams decided to quiet her band after they told her girl rock bands never make money? What if Mother Theresa decided to stay inside the convent after they told her a nun would never make a difference world-wide? What if President Obama decided to never run for president because there would never be an African-American president? What if Pastor Brian Houston decided to stop ministry, because there's no way a tiny church in Australia would ever impact the world?

My question to you is... What is your "stool"? What is stopping you from seeing beyond? What is stopping you from dreaming? From not boxing yourself? From NOT dreaming? What if the lion suddenly looked up and realized its strength, its might, its POWER? When are we going to look up and see that God wants the best for us? HAS the BEST for us?!

"For I KNOW the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11

** Lion analogy taken from Pastor Brian Vasil, Flamingo Road Church, July 17 & 18, 2010

Treasure Hunt

This picture captivated me... So lost in God. How can I be so lost in God? Sometimes I find myself thinking about that man that one day will rescue me from this world and make me happy forever. But God asks me to find my joy in Him, to find my beauty in Him, to find myself in Him. Only then should a man find me.

It's been 9 months since I've been single; actually the longest time I've been single since I turned 15. For 5 years I have taken the guy's place and pursued them instead of allowing them to pursue me. My thought has always been, "Guys don't have the guts to ask me out? I'm not gonna wait around for them to find the courage, I'm gonna take what I want." Not a very lady-like way to look at things... completely robbing myself from being pursued and robbing guys from the privilege of fighting for his treasure.

I have a friend who likes this guy and they have been talking for a while and my comment has always been "Why don't you just ask him if he likes you?" and her answer has always been, "Because if he really likes me, he should pursue ME." I have to admit that every time I hear a comment like that, it shakes my beliefs in relationships. He should pursue her? But what if he doesn't? What if she waits her whole life and he never does? What if he, what if, what if, what if? ... "Then he's not right for her" But God, then how? how?! How do we know??? I can hear the desperation in my thoughts... "What if no one is willing to pursue me?!"... and then the tender voice I dread to hear says... "Faith. I already have someone for you."

There is a treasure that lies right in the core of your heart, a treasure so pure and beautiful that should only be given to a man who is willing to fight for it, a man who is willing to search for God to find You. And girls I'm preaching to the choir, I'm still yet to understand this myself. But for some reason, deep within me I know this to be true... It crushes every understanding and experience I've EVER had in relationships, but it makes more sense than any of it.

There are two truths in the picture above; 1. A girl's heart needs to be always seeking God and 2. Men should always seek God. Only then should a man find a girl's heart. Her treasure.

Understand that God doesn't command us to be perfect, You don't have to be perfect to seek for God, you just need to look for Him. For His truth. For His unfailing Love.

Worth the Wait?

One of my housemates has a boyfriend overseas; they had only just started dating when she moved to Australia. Therefore they haven't be able to have dates together; so he decided to plan a surprise date for her. He went all out! He sent her a package with flowers, her favorite food (she could cook here), a playlist of their songs, her favorite tea, a scented candle with her favorite smell and a video with her sister going to buy everything. As she opened the package they would Skype and have a date together while they ate and shared their time together... and the last surprise... He had a ticket to fly out to Australia in August to spend time with her; He had worked his butt off to buy this ticket...

As I sat around with the girls listening to her story I realized it was the first time I was listening to a romantic story first, NOT wanting to share how my ex-boyfriend was cute too and second, NOT completely jealous that I didn't have what she had... I was literally so excited to see God's blessing over her life with this amazing guy who is HEAD OVER HEELS for her. I am a witness of this girl's love and commitment to God in every area of her life. Because of this I feel like God is smiling at her obedience and patience; and just blessing her with this amazing guy who is going to love, respect, protect and care for her.

Watching the video he had made for her I couldn't hold back the tears, not because I was sad that I didn't have that but just expectant to see who God has for me. Expectant to see what pretty things he'll do for me and moments we'll share together. However, I know that it is not my time yet. I still have to wait patiently on the Lord and for the first time I'm not in a rush. I don't want him to be in my life now, I just want to keep falling more in love with Christ; allowing him to mold me, to shape me and to prepare me to be the woman my husband will be proud to be with. Not saying that I'm not worthy, but not ready to receive my blessing yet.

Once a friend told me, "We all want the PERFECT partner in our lives, we pray for them and we just expect them to come along just as we want them. But we are not willing to work on ourselves. We want them to accept all of our faults and imperfections. We should also be working on ourselves to be the best person we can be for our future partners." And I think he is so right! This is a season to work on me, to learn about myself, to allow God to shape me, to be all I can be to offer my husband.

I don't know when he's going to come along or how the relationship is going to work. But I do know that as long as both our hearts are searching for God, everything else will fall in place.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7 (NLT)

Penelope

"Penelope" is a movie about an heiress who is cursed to have a pig nose until her true love, a man of good family, will love her regardless of her physical exterior... until something magical happens...

For 12 years of my life I had believed that the only way I could be beautiful is if a guy is willing to love me. From movies, books, magazines, etc... The whole purpose of my existence was to find someone who would love me... to finally be beautiful, to finally be lovely, to finally be worth of love. I have surrounded myself with beautiful clothing, make-up, hair treatments and God knows how many other things to finally come up to the "standards" of what a beautiful girl looks like.

I have been jumping from painful relationship to painful relationship for the last 10 years, trying to find someone who would finally be willing to love me. And after ending relationship after relationship, blaming myself for not being good enough. Not enough and too much... Pushing away everyone who was getting too close to hurt me, but hoping that they would run back to me willing to love me. Giving my heart away and taking it back after I'd realize I had given too much away...

Year and after year God watched me closely giving my heart away to anyone who was willing... whispering "Give your heart to Me..." I ignored the whispers thinking I knew better than He. What did he know about relationships? What did he know about Love? What did he know about me? Surely I could manage my life just fine. Plus, what is better than the rush of being in love? To have someone to care for you when you're sick? To kiss you when you cry? To hold you when you're scared? To tell you... You're beautiful? I was not about to lose all of that!

But after my last relationship ended up in pieces with my heart completely broken, begging to be loved... I just couldn't take it anymore, I could not spill one more tear... "There has to be something better than this, there HAS TO be something better" I said, as I sobbed in the floor of my room... And suddenly, I heard a voice from deep inside of me; "There is, My Love, There is..." That day I gave my life COMPLETELY to Him, I couldn't do this on my own anymore. As a result of my cry, God took away from me the closest guys in my life (in different and unexpected ways) and left me with Him and my beautiful girl friends.

I wish I could tell you detail by detail what has happened to me from that day on, but to tell you in summary, God surrounded me by beautiful women who have taught me (without even knowing it) the beauty I have inside ME. The one that has always been there and I could not see! The one that shines through every pore of my being and every word I say. The sweetness of my personality, the tenderness of my words, my love for others, my "rocker style", my enthusiasm for life, the cuteness of my VERY petite body, and the love of the Lord in my being. He has taught me what Real love is.

Girls, this is not a feminist blog, I am waiting for my prince who will love me just the way I am, but I will not look for him to give me worth. Also boys, this is not to diss any of you, the world would not be the same without you. But this is a blog to tell you... "You are Extremely BEAUTIFUL" allow the King of Kings to whisper this to you... He has been waiting to tell you for sooooooo long. :)

I am... Penelope. I have discovered my OWN beauty.

New Name!

Today God appointed me with a new name... Aliza which means JOYFUL in Hebrew.

No matter the circumstance, no matter the time, no matter the season, I will have JOY in my life. I will laugh and KNOW that HE IS GOD. He is Good, and he LOVES me.

HE LOVES ME.

"The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow." Isaiah 62:2

Big Girls Don't Cry...

This may just sound like a cool title for a song and a pretty melody... But in reality this is what I taught as I grew up "Big Girls Don't Cry". Even though I watched my mom cry growing up, to me it always symbolized weakness. I grew up thinking, "if I cry, people are going to take advantage of me, they are going to think I'm weak." Therefore, for many years I grew up hiding my tears from the world... Crying alone in my own pain. My exterior was a "tough rocker girl" who could care less about the world! But when I was alone I would cry myself to sleep, not knowing if there would ever be someone who could wipe away my tears.

As I grew up I started believing, with movies, books, song & magazines, that the only person who could wipe away my tears would be my boyfriend. It was only that person who loved me that would understand and wipe away my tears with a kiss... and it all sounds so romantic and beautiful. But relationship after relationship I realized that guys did not and could NOT understand why I cried!

This only made me feel more and more self conscious of my tears and not only that but it made me feel extremely vulnerable towards anyone I loved. I did not have many girl friends

or women around at this point, I was determined to find someone who could wipe my tears away.

As I started making girl friends here in college, I only then started realizing that they all cried! They were all like ME! That all we ever wanted was for someone to come along side us and tell us it was all going to be o.k. More than anything I learned that God wasn't disappointed in me when I cried, and all He wanted to do was to hold me close and tell me everything was going to be o.k. :) All he wanted to do was to take my tears and turned them into joy. He didn't want me to cry alone but He wanted to love me and turn my tears into joy. All He wants is to see me smile to wipe away my tears and reassure me that He has amazing plans for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Now, every time I cry i know that not only I am NOT alone, that I have someone to wipe away my tears, that He has amazing plans for my life... But that I have a hope that at the end of this tunnel... I will always be able to smile.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy..." Psalm 30:11