For 12 years of my life I had believed that the only way I could be beautiful is if a guy is willing to love me. From movies, books, magazines, etc... The whole purpose of my existence was to find someone who would love me... to finally be beautiful, to finally be lovely, to finally be worth of love. I have surrounded myself with beautiful clothing, make-up, hair treatments and God knows how many other things to finally come up to the "standards" of what a beautiful girl looks like.
I have been jumping from painful relationship to painful relationship for the last 10 years, trying to find someone who would finally be willing to love me. And after ending relationship after relationship, blaming myself for not being good enough. Not enough and too much... Pushing away everyone who was getting too close to hurt me, but hoping that they would run back to me willing to love me. Giving my heart away and taking it back after I'd realize I had given too much away...
Year and after year God watched me closely giving my heart away to anyone who was willing... whispering "Give your heart to Me..." I ignored the whispers thinking I knew better than He. What did he know about relationships? What did he know about Love? What did he know about me? Surely I could manage my life just fine. Plus, what is better than the rush of being in love? To have someone to care for you when you're sick? To kiss you when you cry? To hold you when you're scared? To tell you... You're beautiful? I was not about to lose all of that!
But after my last relationship ended up in pieces with my heart completely broken, begging to be loved... I just couldn't take it anymore, I could not spill one more tear... "There has to be something better than this, there HAS TO be something better" I said, as I sobbed in the floor of my room... And suddenly, I heard a voice from deep inside of me; "There is, My Love, There is..." That day I gave my life COMPLETELY to Him, I couldn't do this on my own anymore. As a result of my cry, God took away from me the closest guys in my life (in different and unexpected ways) and left me with Him and my beautiful girl friends.
I wish I could tell you detail by detail what has happened to me from that day on, but to tell you in summary, God surrounded me by beautiful women who have taught me (without even knowing it) the beauty I have inside ME. The one that has always been there and I could not see! The one that shines through every pore of my being and every word I say. The sweetness of my personality, the tenderness of my words, my love for others, my "rocker style", my enthusiasm for life, the cuteness of my VERY petite body, and the love of the Lord in my being. He has taught me what Real love is.
Girls, this is not a feminist blog, I am waiting for my prince who will love me just the way I am, but I will not look for him to give me worth. Also boys, this is not to diss any of you, the world would not be the same without you. But this is a blog to tell you... "You are Extremely BEAUTIFUL" allow the King of Kings to whisper this to you... He has been waiting to tell you for sooooooo long. :)
I am... Penelope. I have discovered my OWN beauty.
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