Take Your Eyes OFF the Stool

** In a circus a lion tamer holds out a stool to tame a lion... Have you ever wonder what the stool is for? Yes, I'm sure that the lion is scared of a little stool and therefore doesn't attack it... NO! If I was a lion I would rip that thing out of that guy and eat him. :D But actually for some reason the stool is used because when the lion focuses on the legs of the stool it confuses him and doesn't allow the to see past the "engaging" legs of the stool. In that moment the lion forgets its strength, its power, its amazing teeth to destroy that which is in front of him...

How many times in our lives have we ever focused on "the legs of the stool" in our circumstances without realizing the amazing power and strength God has given us in our lives. In that moment when everything seems to be falling apart we cannot get past our circumstances and situations to focus on something so much bigger than what is put in front of us. We think is the end of our lives and that we will never be out of that situation... We put limitations and barriers to our lives because we set our minds on that stool.

What if Dwyane Wade decided to give up after he lost his first basketball game? What if Hayley Williams decided to quiet her band after they told her girl rock bands never make money? What if Mother Theresa decided to stay inside the convent after they told her a nun would never make a difference world-wide? What if President Obama decided to never run for president because there would never be an African-American president? What if Pastor Brian Houston decided to stop ministry, because there's no way a tiny church in Australia would ever impact the world?

My question to you is... What is your "stool"? What is stopping you from seeing beyond? What is stopping you from dreaming? From not boxing yourself? From NOT dreaming? What if the lion suddenly looked up and realized its strength, its might, its POWER? When are we going to look up and see that God wants the best for us? HAS the BEST for us?!

"For I KNOW the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and future." Jeremiah 29:11

** Lion analogy taken from Pastor Brian Vasil, Flamingo Road Church, July 17 & 18, 2010

Treasure Hunt

This picture captivated me... So lost in God. How can I be so lost in God? Sometimes I find myself thinking about that man that one day will rescue me from this world and make me happy forever. But God asks me to find my joy in Him, to find my beauty in Him, to find myself in Him. Only then should a man find me.

It's been 9 months since I've been single; actually the longest time I've been single since I turned 15. For 5 years I have taken the guy's place and pursued them instead of allowing them to pursue me. My thought has always been, "Guys don't have the guts to ask me out? I'm not gonna wait around for them to find the courage, I'm gonna take what I want." Not a very lady-like way to look at things... completely robbing myself from being pursued and robbing guys from the privilege of fighting for his treasure.

I have a friend who likes this guy and they have been talking for a while and my comment has always been "Why don't you just ask him if he likes you?" and her answer has always been, "Because if he really likes me, he should pursue ME." I have to admit that every time I hear a comment like that, it shakes my beliefs in relationships. He should pursue her? But what if he doesn't? What if she waits her whole life and he never does? What if he, what if, what if, what if? ... "Then he's not right for her" But God, then how? how?! How do we know??? I can hear the desperation in my thoughts... "What if no one is willing to pursue me?!"... and then the tender voice I dread to hear says... "Faith. I already have someone for you."

There is a treasure that lies right in the core of your heart, a treasure so pure and beautiful that should only be given to a man who is willing to fight for it, a man who is willing to search for God to find You. And girls I'm preaching to the choir, I'm still yet to understand this myself. But for some reason, deep within me I know this to be true... It crushes every understanding and experience I've EVER had in relationships, but it makes more sense than any of it.

There are two truths in the picture above; 1. A girl's heart needs to be always seeking God and 2. Men should always seek God. Only then should a man find a girl's heart. Her treasure.

Understand that God doesn't command us to be perfect, You don't have to be perfect to seek for God, you just need to look for Him. For His truth. For His unfailing Love.

Worth the Wait?

One of my housemates has a boyfriend overseas; they had only just started dating when she moved to Australia. Therefore they haven't be able to have dates together; so he decided to plan a surprise date for her. He went all out! He sent her a package with flowers, her favorite food (she could cook here), a playlist of their songs, her favorite tea, a scented candle with her favorite smell and a video with her sister going to buy everything. As she opened the package they would Skype and have a date together while they ate and shared their time together... and the last surprise... He had a ticket to fly out to Australia in August to spend time with her; He had worked his butt off to buy this ticket...

As I sat around with the girls listening to her story I realized it was the first time I was listening to a romantic story first, NOT wanting to share how my ex-boyfriend was cute too and second, NOT completely jealous that I didn't have what she had... I was literally so excited to see God's blessing over her life with this amazing guy who is HEAD OVER HEELS for her. I am a witness of this girl's love and commitment to God in every area of her life. Because of this I feel like God is smiling at her obedience and patience; and just blessing her with this amazing guy who is going to love, respect, protect and care for her.

Watching the video he had made for her I couldn't hold back the tears, not because I was sad that I didn't have that but just expectant to see who God has for me. Expectant to see what pretty things he'll do for me and moments we'll share together. However, I know that it is not my time yet. I still have to wait patiently on the Lord and for the first time I'm not in a rush. I don't want him to be in my life now, I just want to keep falling more in love with Christ; allowing him to mold me, to shape me and to prepare me to be the woman my husband will be proud to be with. Not saying that I'm not worthy, but not ready to receive my blessing yet.

Once a friend told me, "We all want the PERFECT partner in our lives, we pray for them and we just expect them to come along just as we want them. But we are not willing to work on ourselves. We want them to accept all of our faults and imperfections. We should also be working on ourselves to be the best person we can be for our future partners." And I think he is so right! This is a season to work on me, to learn about myself, to allow God to shape me, to be all I can be to offer my husband.

I don't know when he's going to come along or how the relationship is going to work. But I do know that as long as both our hearts are searching for God, everything else will fall in place.

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7 (NLT)

Penelope

"Penelope" is a movie about an heiress who is cursed to have a pig nose until her true love, a man of good family, will love her regardless of her physical exterior... until something magical happens...

For 12 years of my life I had believed that the only way I could be beautiful is if a guy is willing to love me. From movies, books, magazines, etc... The whole purpose of my existence was to find someone who would love me... to finally be beautiful, to finally be lovely, to finally be worth of love. I have surrounded myself with beautiful clothing, make-up, hair treatments and God knows how many other things to finally come up to the "standards" of what a beautiful girl looks like.

I have been jumping from painful relationship to painful relationship for the last 10 years, trying to find someone who would finally be willing to love me. And after ending relationship after relationship, blaming myself for not being good enough. Not enough and too much... Pushing away everyone who was getting too close to hurt me, but hoping that they would run back to me willing to love me. Giving my heart away and taking it back after I'd realize I had given too much away...

Year and after year God watched me closely giving my heart away to anyone who was willing... whispering "Give your heart to Me..." I ignored the whispers thinking I knew better than He. What did he know about relationships? What did he know about Love? What did he know about me? Surely I could manage my life just fine. Plus, what is better than the rush of being in love? To have someone to care for you when you're sick? To kiss you when you cry? To hold you when you're scared? To tell you... You're beautiful? I was not about to lose all of that!

But after my last relationship ended up in pieces with my heart completely broken, begging to be loved... I just couldn't take it anymore, I could not spill one more tear... "There has to be something better than this, there HAS TO be something better" I said, as I sobbed in the floor of my room... And suddenly, I heard a voice from deep inside of me; "There is, My Love, There is..." That day I gave my life COMPLETELY to Him, I couldn't do this on my own anymore. As a result of my cry, God took away from me the closest guys in my life (in different and unexpected ways) and left me with Him and my beautiful girl friends.

I wish I could tell you detail by detail what has happened to me from that day on, but to tell you in summary, God surrounded me by beautiful women who have taught me (without even knowing it) the beauty I have inside ME. The one that has always been there and I could not see! The one that shines through every pore of my being and every word I say. The sweetness of my personality, the tenderness of my words, my love for others, my "rocker style", my enthusiasm for life, the cuteness of my VERY petite body, and the love of the Lord in my being. He has taught me what Real love is.

Girls, this is not a feminist blog, I am waiting for my prince who will love me just the way I am, but I will not look for him to give me worth. Also boys, this is not to diss any of you, the world would not be the same without you. But this is a blog to tell you... "You are Extremely BEAUTIFUL" allow the King of Kings to whisper this to you... He has been waiting to tell you for sooooooo long. :)

I am... Penelope. I have discovered my OWN beauty.

New Name!

Today God appointed me with a new name... Aliza which means JOYFUL in Hebrew.

No matter the circumstance, no matter the time, no matter the season, I will have JOY in my life. I will laugh and KNOW that HE IS GOD. He is Good, and he LOVES me.

HE LOVES ME.

"The nations will see your righteousness, and all kings your glory; you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the LORD will bestow." Isaiah 62:2

Big Girls Don't Cry...

This may just sound like a cool title for a song and a pretty melody... But in reality this is what I taught as I grew up "Big Girls Don't Cry". Even though I watched my mom cry growing up, to me it always symbolized weakness. I grew up thinking, "if I cry, people are going to take advantage of me, they are going to think I'm weak." Therefore, for many years I grew up hiding my tears from the world... Crying alone in my own pain. My exterior was a "tough rocker girl" who could care less about the world! But when I was alone I would cry myself to sleep, not knowing if there would ever be someone who could wipe away my tears.

As I grew up I started believing, with movies, books, song & magazines, that the only person who could wipe away my tears would be my boyfriend. It was only that person who loved me that would understand and wipe away my tears with a kiss... and it all sounds so romantic and beautiful. But relationship after relationship I realized that guys did not and could NOT understand why I cried!

This only made me feel more and more self conscious of my tears and not only that but it made me feel extremely vulnerable towards anyone I loved. I did not have many girl friends

or women around at this point, I was determined to find someone who could wipe my tears away.

As I started making girl friends here in college, I only then started realizing that they all cried! They were all like ME! That all we ever wanted was for someone to come along side us and tell us it was all going to be o.k. More than anything I learned that God wasn't disappointed in me when I cried, and all He wanted to do was to hold me close and tell me everything was going to be o.k. :) All he wanted to do was to take my tears and turned them into joy. He didn't want me to cry alone but He wanted to love me and turn my tears into joy. All He wants is to see me smile to wipe away my tears and reassure me that He has amazing plans for my life.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Now, every time I cry i know that not only I am NOT alone, that I have someone to wipe away my tears, that He has amazing plans for my life... But that I have a hope that at the end of this tunnel... I will always be able to smile.

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy..." Psalm 30:11

Is it Love?

For some reason I started going through the "Trash" in my computer and I found some pictures of me and my ex-boyfriend... And I started remembering... Almost two years ago I was going through a break up. He was the first guy I ever fell in love with; at that time I really thought it was going to last forever. We were just so "perfect" for each other. Everyone who saw us thought we were the cutest couple, my parents loved him, his parents loved me, we both had the same ethnicity, we were both involved at church, etc... it was just picture perfect. But really it was a messy relationship, we were both so young and immature. I was selfish, spoiled and not ready to start anything serious...

As I was walking home tonight I remembered that almost two years ago our relationship was falling to the ground and I thought my life was ending, I could not imagine my life with anyone else, "there surely could not be a more amazing guy than him". I loved him. But now as I stand here in my situation now... I have to remind myself that time heals. Now he is ever barely in my mind and we both have moved on with our lives. I am in Australia while he is still finishing high school and our lives could not be more different. I think that if I was still with him I probably wouldn't be here in Sydney right now; and not that is bad thing, but those weren't the plans God had for my life. I was supposed to be here, now, for this time.

I do not regret any decisions that I have made in the past, I can't, they've made me who I am today. But something I do have to wonder is if after all the hurt of past relationships, can I hope for something or someone who will truly love me " 'till death do us part"? After messy and hurtful relationships can I truly believe in true love? Can I love someone that much...?

As I look at these beautiful pictures I can't help but wonder... "Are they even still together?"...

Wonder Woman

We, as girls, grow up with role models like: Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Hanna Montana (Or in my case Lizzie McGuire). Then in our teenage years we look up to Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, or whatever celebrity is out there. As our education progresses we start looking at women like Oprah, Rosa Parks, Abigail Adams, Mother Theresa, Hilary Clinton and many other women that changed the course of life for millions of women around the world. And it truly just makes me wonder... Can we do it all? Can we all be Wonder Woman? And if we can, what doest it mean to be Wonder Woman?

All these questions started racing through my head as I watched "Mona Lisa Smile" during connect group today. Simply summarized the movie is about a free-thinking art professor who teaches conservative 50's Wellesley University girls to question their traditional societal roles. As I watched this movie I carefully started thinking about my life. When I was a young girl my biggest dream was to someday be rescued by Prince Charming and live happily ever after, then I was taught that the most important thing was to be sexual and attractive to the boys around my life. And after, I was taught to be independent, to have my own mind and ideals, not to conform to this world around me but to change the world on my own! How confusing; now I feel like a girl who wants to be beautiful enough to be rescued by my Prince Charming, sexy enough to attract him, but independent enough to not need a man in my life.

This whole train of thought makes me think, do I even want to get married or is this something I have been brain-washed and sold by ideals of Disney Princesses? Do I want to be sexy or is this something I have been brain-washed by magazines and music videos? Do I want to be independent and have my own career or is this something I have been brain washed by a feminist movement? Or can I be all three, or even none? Can I be a wife, a mom, a sexy girl, a business woman all at the same time? 

God is LOVE!

... Six years ago I gave my life to Christ... It was six years ago that I heard the message of His LOVE for me and I accepted it in my heart, looking for something more I guess... Looking for something bigger than the life I had. But it wasn't until a month ago that I understood; that I comprehended HIS sacrifice for ME! His... LOVE

Yes, a Love that NEVER failed me. A Love that was and is always there. God SO LOVED ME! that he gave, to me, his most precious and beautiful possession for me. He saw him suffer, He saw him beaten, cursed at... and thought of me, and didn't give up. So that he could talk to me... so imperfect, so impure, so insecure, so lost, so scared. It's not about anything I've done, or anything I've said, or intended to do. But what HE did FOR ME.

Maybe, you've heard this message and words 1,000's of times... But think about THE LOVE SACRIFICE. That no matter who you are, or what you've done, all he wants to do is to have a relationship with you... He wants you to get to know Him, so he can walk with you. So he can love you. For such a long time I wondered WHY did God create me!?! Why do I have to go through this earth? Why do I have to walk on these problems, on all of this crap???

But now I can see what a privilege it is to be created by Him, to be LOVED by Him. So now, I can take the eyes OFF myself and LOVE others, and give HOPE to the hopeless, to see the unseen, to hear the unheard, to speak to the unspoken... To Love the unloved.

"For God so LOVED the world (YOU AND ME) that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Oops!

Have you ever had an Oops! moment? Well so earlier this year when my housemates were all getting to know each other we realized there were two Morgan's in our house, so to differentiate each of them they asked Morgan, do you have a middle name? Oh yeah it's Jane* but don't call me by that it's such a lame name!... Later to find out one of the girl's mom's name was Jane*, and she was right there in the room when she was saying that! Oops! LoL

Oh, sometimes we should be so careful on what we say before we open our big mouths to speak. Well something of that sort happened to me today. I finally got an opportunity to help out with th

e Monitor's sound board for service today. (To explain what this is, Hillsong Church uses In-Ears for each of the musicians, which are basically a pair of headsets that allow the musicians to hear themselves and the whole band in a personal way. So there's a person who runs this sound board and allows each of the musicians to hear whatever they need to hear, it's a very fun job!) I really love working with sound, and I was very excited, I seriously couldn't stop talking about it. (That's what girls do, we get really excited about things and we talk about them)

So during my conversation I said, "The thing I love most about it it's that you can hear everyone's mess up's..." ... Mh... I wish I could tell you I'm perfect, but that really came out of my mouth. But... God is so funny and he finds the greatest ways to shut us up. As soon as the service started, I wanted to

swallow down my words... I could hear everything, every single detail and instrument, but more than anything I could hear everyone's HEART. And that broke me down... It was so absolutely beautiful. I could hear in their voices and instruments their beautiful hearts and passion for what they were doing, worshipping God with all they had... ah... Oops! It was so beautiful.

"... Tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." James 3:8

Uncovering Your Princess Identity

"I'm not worthy enough to be with him", "I always end up with the jerk", "It's o.k, we all have to fall for the bad guy, at least once in our lives" "... I'm just not attracted to the good ones" These are phrases that I've heard my whole life by girls in my life, and even have thought about myslef, but this post is about: DELETING THESE PHRASES IN YOUR LIFE!

For many years I have sat in church listening to "We need to find our identity in Christ" but I didn't know what this really meant or how this could apply to my life, until a few days ago. As I was thinking about my past relationships and the mistakes I have made in my life I thought, "Maybe I'm not worthy enough to find a guy who will love me for who I am"... But then a thought came into my head, "Well, who am I?" I am a daughter of the most high King, Eph 1:5, Jhn 1:12. Therefore, that makes me a Princess! A princess is beautiful, pure, lovely, elegant, wanted, gentle, joyful, captivating, sought after... WANTED.

When a Princess was ready to get married, Princes from all over the world would come to prove they were worthy enough to marry her. They had to go through challenges and obstacles to win her heart. Therefore, if we can capture and understand who we really are in God, if we truly realize that we are princesses in God's eyes then we should deserve THE BEST. We would not conform ourselves with a guy who would treat us bad, who would take advantage of us, who would not respect us, who will not see and HONOR the royalty we have in our lives.

Girls, find yourselves in the arms of the KING, and then you will know your worth! We were called to be princesses, we were called to be beautiful! Embrace it. How much more could we do if we simply understand the WORTH, God himself has given each and everyone of us!

"The king is ENTHRALLED by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

Colour Conference 1

How do I even begin to describe my first experience as a volunteer at Colour Conference 2010... Absolutely amazing and out of this world! I don't think I'm gonna be able to put it in all in words... but here's a little summary.

I served by doing catering, helping with college stand, hosts, and new Christians, and I really had he best time in the world. God has really been changing my heart, my attitude, and my motivation to serve. It all started on thursday morning in a bus to the city expectant and excited about all the things that God was about to do in the lives of the women that attended, but I really wasn't expecting for Him to capture my heart.

As I set up to help, I thought to myself, "I'm gonna have the best attitude to everything I do here." And I really did. As I did God worked in my life to see people, to talk to them, to share with them, to really focus on people. So as I saw thousands of women feel valued, cared for, and loved, I couldn't help but to feel the joy of Christ FILL my heart. And so at the last moment of worship I couldn't help but SMILE, I usually try to hide my smile, but this time i just couldn't. I had a huge smile on my face... I, for the first time, experienced the joy of the Lord. It was absolutely amazing!

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:11

Generation of Worshippers

Where have I been allocated for Sisterhood (Hillsong Women's Ministry) this semester? Choir, hosting, catering, pamper... etc. "Juliana, you have been allocated to... Kids Ministry!"... "Uhm... excuse me? Are you reading that name right? Me and Kids do not go together! Lady, you don't understand, the kids are taller than me! I CANNOT DO KIDS!" All of these thoughts ran through my head as I wanted to cross out my name out of that list she held in her hands; It was like nails on a chalk board to my ears.

At first I could not understand why God had placed me in a place where I did not want to be. Why had he been challenging me so much? I know I prayed for him to use me, but to use me where I wanted to be. As soon as my friend saw that we had been allocated together, she ran up to me and said, "Let's ask if we can be in the Kids Praise Team!" Surely afterwards, I was allocated in the Kids Praise Team. I was informed that I would be leading worship from Babies to 5 year olds, I was given songs, moves and information about how the services were to be run... I was ready for anything, but not for what was about to happen in my life; I was not ready for the revelation that God was going to give me today.

Our song list was: Good Morning Song, Take It All, How Great is Our God (Surely they will not sing this song with us) and the Good Bye Song. As we started the worship service the kids were so excited to worship with us, they moved, they danced, they sang... and then it came, How Great is Our God, and I could not believe my eyes! The kids were lifting their

hands, closing their eyes and singing their little, innocent hearts out. Kids 5 years and younger praising God for His amazing grace to us! And then it hit me, the lesson I was not ready to hear; this is how we build a generation of worshippers! It has to start from our kids. If the church can focus on building a generation of kids that worship God, then our teens, young adults, adults and finally our leaders will know how to worship. This is how we can teach our church to worship God, create generations of people who will worship God.

What an amazing lesson!

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Worship Star?

Lights, adrenaline, music, the rush and people staring at YOU. The life many worship leaders and band musicians live every weekend. The life I have lived since I decided worship was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. But how can we separate the glory that is given to God from the one that we take ourselves?

For many years I served in a worship team thinking that God had called me to be there; to learn songs, play, worship Him and go home.

I ignored the cry of this world for help, the many people that surrounded me daily that needed someone to listen, the many people in my life that maybe just needed a smile.

But I faithfully served at church, playing music, and doing what I loved to do, thinking that it was enough. In some kind of way I found myself falling in love with the attention given to me by all the people who saw me play on the weekend.

As I left to Hillsong College I left thinking that I would find the attention that I had been getting back home. Only to find a big motto in the middle of my journey, "It's NOT about YOU". God started opening my eyes to the necessity in this world, to the people I had ignored because I was too busy thinking about myself, to the work that I could've, and can, do. So I left college to come back home encouraged and READY to change the world around me.

As I arrived home I got involved, and I started working hard for everything that was about to come my way. But days passed by and the fire started dying, my strength and enthusiasm faded away and I found myself in the comfort zone, and in the love for the attention that was given to me. I felt discouraged and angry with myself, "Everything I have learned has gone to WASTE!".

When suddenly the earthquake hit Haiti; and now you may think that I jumped right up and got involved... mhh... no. I sat on my butt as I saw others help out and be a part of the life change.

Until God woke me up from my selfishness, and said "This IS IT! This is what a worship leader looks like! Some who is concerned and acts on other people's needs!" in that moment, I got my lazy butt up and went and helped out. And as I packed away the food and medical needs, I could picture the faces of thousands of people filled with hope, filled

with joy, filled with love as they received their every need. I couldn't help but smile and realize what God has been doing in my life.

"We push DOWN the four walls of our church, to see your name lifted HIGH"- Joel Houston.

Not a Blogger...

So I know I haven't blogged since... well... six months ago. But I'm going to try to keep this up this time. My time in Australia has been amazing. I've met so many amazing people. People who I can really call friends, who have helped me shape my life in ways that I never thought possible. People who stood by my side when my world seemed to be falling apart.

As much as I thought this experience was going to be amazing I was not nearly prepared for the journey that God was about to take me on. I went through experiences that shaped my faith forever. Moments where I thought i wasn't going to be able to go back to Australia... Where God really tested my faith and my loyalty to Him. In this process I really understood the meaning of the powerful word FAITH.

I had to hold on to His promises for my life; to the dreams He had given me, that I had given up on. Because of my selfishness I put in danger someone else's dreams, and ruined a great relationship in the process. But I have to keep going. I have to keep moving on. So as I start a new semester, a new season, and a new process in my life. I have to give God all the Glory for the person on which I have become... NOT perfect, but much more aware of His love for all of us, and also the responsibility that carries knowing so.

So, I'll see what new opportunities, challenges, experiences, friendships, and trials God has for me in this new year... I'm expectant but full enthusiasm for the second chance God has given me to keep going.